Darkness

Waded in the depths of darkness, trapped in the black, blind to all

Created light, but it was only a fallacy, deceived but I refused.

Lost in the night, lying about chasing the light, passion and desires guide by chains.

Willingly following, but actually enslaved, deceived but I ignore.

Good at doing evil, bad at doing good.  Lacking in discipline but exceeding in pride

Lived dead, but thought I was alive. deceived and I was numb to deception.

I once lived in darkness, but because of my foolish pride, I tricked myself into believing I was walking in light.  Surrounded black, I was blind to it, but refusing to believe that I was.  Too proud to admit that I was selfish, too selfish to admit I was proud.  Broken, I believed I was whole.  Emptiness that I tried to fill.  I tried, but I couldn’t.  Lukewarm and worthless. I heard a voice cutting through the black.  Darkness scatters and shakes.  My soul hears though my ears are deaf, but what about me?  What about my accomplishments, what about what I want to do, what about… me?  I can do everything by my own willpower; accepted the sound of the voice, but continued to follow my own ways.  Deceived, because my ways aren’t my own.  Enslaved, walking towards death I remained blind, slowly wasting away. Moved to my knees, wept from my heart, yearned for more, glimpsed light, exposed to my need, to my despair, to my brokenness, to my imperfectness, to my sin.  Lasting impact? No. Changed? No. Remained in my pride enslaved to sin? Yes.  Watch, look at this glimpse.  Setting the scene, like a weak flower, I was withered before the start and trampled before the end.  Mocked over music that preached about what was going on in that moment, but I was deaf and stopped listening because of the lack of acceptance.  Songs preaching truth never going deep, never getting past the words.  Memorized in the mind, absent on the heart, I was so lost. I would be moved, but the coldness in my heart would reject anything warm anything good.  I was deceived, I thought I was alive, I thought that I was living, I refused to believe that I walked towards death, rejected the acceptance of my pride and selfishness, accepted the world. Reflected my life on the world’s standard and I was good in comparison.  Preached against people thinking they are good being enough to be accepted to go to heaven, but I was what I preached.  I was the sermons, I was the lyrics playing to the tune of hypocrite, hedonist, and narcissist.